Posts Tagged ‘Kids’

Um, No?


My week in 10 questions (am I really supposed to answer these?):

1. Mommy, you’re not going to throw away this sponge are you? I love this sponge (holding the dirty, kitchen sponge up to her cheek, caressing it). Please pinky-promise me you will not throw away this sponge.

2. What? You’re getting a new driver’s license? But I love your old one. Don’t get a new one, Mommy, please (sob) please, please?

3. Will you Tell Mason (who’s standing at my door) I don’t want to play with him EVER again…because he’s MEAN. Tell him to go away, forever.

4. Can I have five dollars to go get ice cream with Mason? I don’t want to use my allowance because I’m saving up to buy a cat.

5. Would you talk to Caroline? She wants her (stuffed) dog to marry Greta’s dog and her dog needs to marry Mia’s dog because Mia is her best friend and Greta is my friend and her dog married Greta’s dog last time and now Greta’s dog wants to be married to my dog and now Mia’s crying and Caroline’s MEAN.

6. Could you call Hallie’s mom to see if she can come over and play? I know they got home from vacation last night and I’ve already called them six times this morning and no one is answering. Maybe if you call this time, they’ll answer.

7. Can you take me to the store to buy material, stuffing and yarn? I’m going to sew a baby doll and a dress for Emma’s baby sister. And Mommy, can you teach me how to sew?

8. Mommy, I don’t feel like I’m going to vomit anymore, can I have just one more?

9. Tell Elizabeth to stop reading and turn off her light so I can go to sleep. She’s keeping me up. And, Mommy, can you leave the hall light on? I’m afraid of the dark.

10. Mommy, why can’t we? When’s Daddy coming home?


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#16 Skip some stones

School is out. Thank god. I can’t take any more crazy school-mom mania.  The overachieving moms get me all worked up with their uber involvement and super fabulousness.  The closer we get to the last day, the harder they organize, schedule, and plan.  I am so not made that way, and I get really grumpy and rebellious when I’m around them. Cut it out, crazy moms. Go home, eat something and stop with your highly organized efforts.

I can’t handle the super summer scheduling of kids either.  I’m a firm believer in free play.  Unleash the imagination! I refuse to sign them up for a bunch of crappy camps that cost a fortune and require me to drive them all over town. I brag about this to the uber moms, hoping to induce a new competition for just letting kids play. They don’t buy it.

I relish the idea of summer: no alarm clocks, no lunches to make, no barking about homework.  Ahhhhhh just sleep, reading and the unfolding of a new day.  Who knows what today will bring.

Apparently, today (the first day!) it brings: fighting, whining, crying, pinching, pulling, demanding, eating, spilling, and trashing. Shit. I need a crappy camp to get them out of the house.  I panic. What was I thinking?  I start flipping through the catalog of expensive day camps.

Quickly, I rough out a schematic for this week: fairy camp, safety town, hip hop dancing, tennis and lacrosse. I make plans to dip into their college savings to cover next week. Everything’s going to be okay, I tell myself.

Then Elizabeth hands me the list she’s made of “100 Things to do this summer”. She’s done it on her own, inspired by a summer of possibilities. She’s decorated the cover with a crayon drawing of a beach umbrella stuck crookedly into a yellow hump of scrawled beach.  The list is written in purple marker.  It’s four pages long and stapled together in the corner. I read it and relax. Here are just a few of her summer aspirations:

#5 Watch a scary movie
#11 Ride bikes to the library
#18 Visit a relative
#22  Read a book
#35 Make up a dance
#46  Sun bathe
#50  Make friendship bracelets
#66  Go to the beach
#72  Take a nap
#85  Make a sand castle
#97  Catch bugs

I toss the camp catalog in the garbage. Clearly, she has better ideas. I start making lemonade. Welcome to summer.

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My daughter Caroline recently informed us she was adopted.  Apparently she used to live with her “First Family” until they were “killed and eaten by a deer”.  Now, she’s announced, she “has to live with us”.  I think she’s mostly okay with this fate, although occasionally we’ll be going somewhere and she’ll comment nostalgically “Yeah, I used to go there with my First Family.” It seems she and the First Family had a heck of a time together. 


 Poor Caroline. Those nasty, killer, family-eating deer — I guess I’ll have to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her.

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