The Hypochondriac and the Crack Doctor

Here’s what happens when you cross a hypochondriac with the only small town doctor that her crack health care insurance covers: 
 
I’d been having this hip pain which I attributed to my running hunched over with a crooked hip from my scoliosis (ahhh Deenie, yes I think of her often).  After one late night of internet [...]

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An Unfashionable Report

While I would never say I was ever fashion-forward, I never thought it would get this bad.  I just got back from the grocery store when I realized I was still wearing my pajama top.  I did take the time to put a bra on, but then why did I put the pajama top back [...]

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Choosing a Clique Wisely

“So how do you like it here?” she said pouring me more coffee.
 
I’d been here less than six months when I was invited for coffee by a mom I didn’t know.  She was tall, blonde, and liked to talk about martinis and golf.  Other than that, her invitation was as unfamiliar as she was.  [...]

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Garage Sale of a Lifetime

 
Hosting a garage sale is one wicked-ass test of emotional fitness. I discovered this over the weekend after displaying all the tangible evidence of my life on the driveway for strangers to come pick through and haggle over. I barely survived it.
 
I watched this one woman scrutinize my daughter’s little navy dress with the white polka dots.  Elizabeth wore it ten [...]

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How to Handle a Fishy Friendship

My fish was dying – again. This would make it my third fish to die in two weeks.  I grabbed the fish bowl and my coat, ran out and hailed a cab.  With icky, fishy water sloshing all over my lap, I directed the cab to the Old Town Aquarium.  I ran in the dark store panicking as [...]

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One Mother of a Playdate

There’s this thing about a mother’s intuition. We’re supposed to listen to it right?  
  
Not too long ago, a young family moved into JCrewville. They’re really nice and have two really cute kids. I’ve talked to the mother several times. She seems sweet and church-going.  I’ve been careful to watch my language around her.
  
Other than a little small talk however, I haven’t made the best [...]

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Beware of Killer Deer

My daughter Caroline recently informed us she was adopted.  Apparently she used to live with her “First Family” until they were “killed and eaten by a deer”.  Now, she’s announced, she “has to live with us”.  I think she’s mostly okay with this fate, although occasionally we’ll be going somewhere and she’ll comment nostalgically “Yeah, I used to [...]

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See Stick Run.

My daughter, Caroline, has a new pet stick.  Denied any real pets in our house, she now takes inanimate objects under her wing to nurture and to love.  This week, it’s a big stick.  Her benevolence is adorable as she cuddles her orphan stick broken off cruelly from the mother tree and left alone in the [...]

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The Great White Barista

There’s this woman who works at our Starbucks that I call the White Woman.  Not because she’s the only white woman – JCrewville couldn’t be any more lily-white.  But in a coffee house that employs hip, sullen, young folk; she stands out glaringly. 

 
She’s middle-aged and totally suburban.  She looks like someone’s mom. Her Dorothy Hamill haircut and [...]

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One is the Loneliest Number

You know how when you are lonely, you feel like the only one in the world who is lonely…which only adds to your loneliness? You are not alone. This is a true story:
 
When I was living in Chicago, I went through a very lonely period.  My post- college friends were all leaving the city to be nearer to [...]

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